Vortex Football

A few months ago I was in Toys R Us picking up something for my one-year-old nephew.  Though Toys R Us was big and fun and exciting as a child, as an adult, I quickly discovered that I haven't the slightest clue how to navigate the store.  The best I can deduce is that the right side of the store is where they keep the pink stuff.  The left side of the store includes toys and games that adults and children may find appealing.  The back of the store is where they keep all of the books and educational toys in which most children have no interest.  The children, however, are lured to that area by the neighboring Power Wheels section, so apparently, there was some thought put into the layout of the store.  Anyway, the floor plan of my local Toys R Us is not the topic of this post.  It did, however, it lead me to the glorious aisle that inspired this post.

Wandering somewhat aimlessly  through the store, I noticed the label to what can only be described as the best friggin' aisle in the history of toy stores.  The sign displayed just one word, but it was enough to reel me in:  NERF.

I was instantly surrounded by foam darts, elaborate bows, plastic machine guns, and the like.  Most were in a florescent color sure to cause some retinal damage if stared at for too long.  These toys were way more intense than the Nerf products available to me 20 years ago.  The guns were bigger, the darts pointier, and IS THAT A 4-FOOT SWORD?  This got me thinking back to my favorite Nerf product:  the Nerf Vortex.  And suddenly, there it was, to my right...about eye-level on the first shelf.  Granted the colors have changed over the years, but the basics were the same.  The Nerf Vortex is a far-flying foam football with a tail fin and hole that causes the ball to whistle when thrown. And it is a beauty:

Above is the Nerf Vortex as it is sold today.

Needless to say, I bought it.  Best thing $9.99 can buy. 

My brother and I took this bad boy out into the backyard and let it fly.  There is nothing more satisfying than the whistle of a Vortex football.  Be sure to steer clear of overhanging tree branches though.  It's rather disheartening when you release an awesome throw only to be thwarted by a tree branch interfering in the ball's trajectory.  We created our own game that involves attempting to throw the Vortex into the basketball hoop from a distance that would equal the opposite end of the court.  After about a solid hour of attempts, we were unsuccessful and the Vortex was beyond muddy from landing in the grass behind the hoop, but it was fun.  But users BEWARE:  the next day I discovered none other than (dun, dun, dun!) VORTEX ARM!  This effect is similar to what some call "Wii Arm."  If you've ever played Ninetendo Wii Sports Bowling or Tennis, you know what I'm talking about.  These games force one to use muscles commonly left dormant and about 24 hours after playing, one feels the pain.  You get the same effect with the Vortex (or at least I did). 

The original Vortex Football was produced by OddzOn Toys, maker of Koosh in 1993.  It was marketed by none other than John Elway.  For a sampling of his many commercials, watch this video.  The Vortex has been reinvented throughout the years featuring different versions such as the "Howler" and the "Mega Howler."  The Pop Top Shop recently sold a mint condition 1993 Howler for $70.  Not bad.  If you'd like a good summary of the history of the Vortex, I suggest you click on the aforementioned Pop Top Shop link.  This guy does a good job.  I believe our family's first Vortex was a neon yellow ball with a blue fin.  I'm not sure what reincarnation that was...maybe it was an original.  One of my favorite past times was going outside on a crisp Thanksgiving Day to launch the Vortex. *sigh*.  It could make even the girliest of girls feel like an athlete.

source:  The Pop Top Shop

Vortex Rating:  10 out of 10.  What's not to like?

Hey Look, Another Video! Super Twist

As promised, here is a video of the Super Twist in action.  As stated in previous posts, the Super Twist was a ride at Water Works in Seaside Heights, New Jersey.  For a full description of my first encounter with the Super Twist, read this. 

The video does a good job of showing the start and end of the Super Twist pipes, but the rest of the ride is obstructed by the Octopus (more on that in a later post), so I'm providing this still shot to give my readers a better idea of how the Super Twist traversed the park:

That's the Super Twist in the background at the top of the frame as it was in 1988.  One can see how it acquired its name.  I'm pretty sure it didn't change at all during its existence.  The Super Twist met its demise when Water Works was purchased by Jenkinsons (of the Point Pleasant, NJ boardwalk fame).  Jenkinsons converted the park to a more "family friendly" water park.  They took out most of the existing slides and pipes and replaced them with weaker excuses for water slides.  Although Breakwater Beach (the name of the renovated park) was probably safer, it was geared towards small children and therefore less fun.  Honestly, what's a trip to a water park without the risk of injury?  And as I'm sure you've read in my previous post, the Super Twist provided every opportunity to get banged up.  And now, without further ado, the Super Twist:

Ok, so this video is a bit dullsville, but I wanted my readers to have access to any Water Works material I can provide, since the web is nearly devoid of it.  My hope is that it helps others to reminisce about their experiences at Water Works.  I should note that I have no blood or friendly relations with the short-trunked fellow exiting the pipe at the end of this video.  Thank god.  I know it was the 1980s, but have some common sense man.  Short swim trunks = bad.  Also, my mom, the fabulous camerawoman and narrator in this video, mentions that the ride is called the "Twister."  I'm not so sure about that because I always recall it being known as the "Super Twist."  Perhaps someone can verify.

I Royally Suck at Updating, but Here's a Video!

Hello friends,

So I've allowed my other projects to take priority over DeLorean Travels and therefore I'm severely lacking in the posts department, but as a special (and promised) treat, here's a home video to highlight the last post. 

This video was filmed in 1988 during my family's first visit to Water Works.  I don't believe I was there because I was four, and honestly, who wants to cart a 4-year old around when there is aquatic fun to be had?  The video gives our viewers a good look at the Double Dive.  The first brave soul in this video is my brother (who was eight at the time).  He shows us how NOT to go down the slide.  It's supposed to be arms crossed, LEGS CROSSED!  Oh well.  His form makes for a funny video and I give him a lot of credit for having no fear.  Next is my Dad, who demonstrates the usual path down the slide.  The body typcially angles to one side or the other on one's way down, but eventually, all is well.  So enough describing, here's the clip: (I recommend you maximize the video to full screen.  I apologize in advance for the quality.  Keep in mind this was filmed in 1988, and although Crazy Eddie's sold us a fine recording device for the time, the quality of analog video is just sad compared to today's standards, especially when it's converted to digital format).

A few things to note now that you have all seen the clip:

1.  The "lifeguard" (can he be called a lifeguard when he's guarding water that is approximatley 1-foot deep?) indicates from which side one should exit the slide.  Very helpful so that there are no collisions should the side-by-side slides be used simultaneously (it was alway fun to race someone down the Double Dive).

2.  Please note the steps to the right of the slides in the video.  One had to climb those bad boys in order to ride and should the park be free of lines, one was usually out of breath once he reached the summit.  Also, all steps at water works had rubber pads on them in order to prevent slipping (wet feet + stairs = law suit waiting to happen).  Though these rubber pads provided excellent traction, they were bumpy and killed your feet if you regularly weren't someone who didn't own shoes. 

3.  The twisty blue pipes that open to the right of the Double Dive are end-points to the Super Twist (also described in my last post).  I hope to have a video of that experience up shortly.

4.  At the end of the video, my brother comments that the Double Dive is "bumpy when you get to the bottom."  He couldn't be more correct.  That is the point at which one could experience the worst wedgie in life. 

5.  Feel free to comment on the passers-by in this video or the shorts on the lifeguard.  I find these things amusing, but I feel the need for some user-generated content. 

Water Works

With a new season of Jersey Shore airing this month, I thought it would be appropriate to reminisce about a Jersey Shore destination that featured prominently in my childhood:  Water Works

On a side note, I also stumbled upon a description of Water Works on Domain of Death and found it severely lacking, so I  thought a write up that included proper names of the rides was needed.

Water Works was a water park that occupied a full block in Seaside Heights.  I believe the park first opened in the summer of 1988 and operated as Water Works until around 2000 (if anyone has exact dates of operation, please let me know).  I specifically remember our family of six opting every year for the 9am entrance because Water Works was a pay-by-the hour joint.  Typically, you'd pay your entrance fee and they'd give you a wristband to wear that was good for 2 hours.  i.e. if you came in at 10am, they'd give you a wristband with blue stars on it.  Around noon they'd announce over the loud speaker "Attention! It is now time for guests wearing the blue star wristband to exit the park." Buuuuut (here's where the beauty of 9am entrance came in..) if you entered the park at 9am, you got an EXTRA HOUR FREEEEEE!  That's right folks, 3 beautiful hours at the park for the same low price as the regular 2 hour entrance.  Of course, entering a water park at 9am had its down sides as well.  Even in August, 9am in NJ is a little chilly, but as a kid, you quickly get over the cold because Water Works was just that much fun. 

Upon entering the park, one could purchase a locker in which to store one's things.  Then some poor member of your group then had to wear the key to the locker around his/her wrist or ankle for the remainder of the day.

Now, on to a description of the rides. 

Double Dive
The double dive was the most daunting ride at Water Works.  You could easily see the Double Dive from Ocean Avenue and the boardwalk just outside of the park.  It consisted of two nearly vertical slides towering 80 feet in the air.  A rider simply waited for the staff member to tell him to go, then legs crossed, arms crossed, down you plummet into a shallow splash lane, which impeded your progress and prevented the rider from catapulting into the lounge chairs at the bottom of the slide.  (Anyone remember those chairs?   They had those horizontal plastic bands that could pinch your skin or leave lines on your legs/butt if you sat on them for too long.  They also got really hot when exposed to the sunlight for too long.).  The Double Dive was a great ride for spectators as well.  Inevitably, someone would go down the slide (usually scared to death) and upon entering the splash lane, the rider would sit up, discreetly pick his wedgie, then continue on to the next ride.  My first experience with the Double Dive was one I will never forget.  It took me a few years to get up the nerve to go down the slide.  I took someone's wise advice and didn't look down, didn't hesitate when it was my turn.  As soon as the lifeguard said "go," I was gone.  The ride was actually really fun until I realized what the "double" in Double Dive meant.  No, no, the "double" was not because there were two slides. The "double" was because this ride did double duty.  Task #1:  serve as a fun ride for thrill seekers brave enough to conquer it.  Task #2:  Enema.  I assert that the human body was not intended to travel at such high speed skimming water along the way.  No only did I have the worst wedgie in life when the ride was over, but I swear my 10-year old self was crapping water for weeks (I never promised this was a clean blog).  And yes, I went on the Double Dive again...many times, but no ride was ever as bad as my first experience. 

Super Twist
The Super Twist consisted of dueling enclosed tubes or pipes that traveled across the width of the park and ended in splash lanes right next to the infamous Double Dive.  Despite my rather unfortunate experience with the Double Dive (I swear, I'm not the only one), the Super Twist was by far the most frightening ride at Water Works.  I went on it twice, but after that, I vowed never to go on that ride again.  The concept of the Super Twist was fun, but because Water Works operated during the inaugural days of water parks in America, I don't think they had the execution of rides down to a science just yet.  The idea was that a current from stream of water inside the pipe would carry the rider through the pipe to the opposite end of the park.  The current was aided by the eventual downward dip in the orientation of the pipes, which allowed gravity to have a heavy hand in transporting the rider.  But here's problem #1 with the Super Twist (and the source of the ride's name):  The two pipes twisted around each other as they crossed the park.  Whoever designed the ride must have thought an immediate twist of the pipes was a great idea.  I say not.  About 10 feet from the entrance of the pipes, the left pipe twisted over the right.  10 feet is not enough space for one to build up momentum to get over another pipe.  The rider in the right pipe was fine.  His pipe dipped down first.  The rider in the left pipe....not so lucky.  His pipe went up first, and unless he weighed enough to gather momentum quickly, he wasn't going to make it.  That exact scenario happened to me.  I was always a thin child, and at 10 years old I'm being generous by saying I was tipping the scales at 65 pounds.  65 pounds is not enough to get a person over that first hump.  I GOT STUCK IN THE PIPE.  This is what I remember:  The lifeguard said "go."  I laid on my back, pushed myself into the tube, hands and feet crossed, and WHHEEEE! for 5 seconds.  I slowed to a stop.  I was stuck trying to get over the other pipe.  The insides were a dark blue and the air was stuffy.  I had to sit up inside the pipe and push off the interior walls with my hands to get myself moving again.  After that it was fairly smooth sailing, but once I built up momentum, I really got splashed in the face with water.  Then I couldn't see anything.  And I had no idea when this pipe was going to come to an end.  I was awaiting the splash lane...."WHEN SHOULD I HOLD MY BREATH!?!"  Finally, when I couldn't take it anymore, I was free.  I was in the safety of the splash lane with a few minor cuts and bruises on my back from God knows what.  My oldest brother later told me about a recurring nightmare he had in which he got stuck in the Super Twist.  I vowed to never submit myself to the Super Twist again.

Next Post:  Water Works Part 2 - The Octopus & The Mats/Double Tubes

I'll be back

Hello loyal readers (if I have any left after a long hiatus from writing).   I'm working on a gem of a post right now.  I hope to include photographs, and, if I'm lucky, video footage.  I'm warning you now this one is long.  It's already 1300 words and I'm not even a quarter of the way through, so either schedule a time for reading, or it can be read in pieces.  I hope to have it completed by the end of the week.  The topic:  Water Works.