A few months ago I was in Toys R Us picking up something for my one-year-old nephew. Though Toys R Us was big and fun and exciting as a child, as an adult, I quickly discovered that I haven't the slightest clue how to navigate the store. The best I can deduce is that the right side of the store is where they keep the pink stuff. The left side of the store includes toys and games that adults and children may find appealing. The back of the store is where they keep all of the books and educational toys in which most children have no interest. The children, however, are lured to that area by the neighboring Power Wheels section, so apparently, there was some thought put into the layout of the store. Anyway, the floor plan of my local Toys R Us is not the topic of this post. It did, however, it lead me to the glorious aisle that inspired this post.
Wandering somewhat aimlessly through the store, I noticed the label to what can only be described as the best friggin' aisle in the history of toy stores. The sign displayed just one word, but it was enough to reel me in: NERF.
I was instantly surrounded by foam darts, elaborate bows, plastic machine guns, and the like. Most were in a florescent color sure to cause some retinal damage if stared at for too long. These toys were way more intense than the Nerf products available to me 20 years ago. The guns were bigger, the darts pointier, and IS THAT A 4-FOOT SWORD? This got me thinking back to my favorite Nerf product: the Nerf Vortex. And suddenly, there it was, to my right...about eye-level on the first shelf. Granted the colors have changed over the years, but the basics were the same. The Nerf Vortex is a far-flying foam football with a tail fin and hole that causes the ball to whistle when thrown. And it is a beauty:
Above is the Nerf Vortex as it is sold today.
Needless to say, I bought it. Best thing $9.99 can buy.
My brother and I took this bad boy out into the backyard and let it fly. There is nothing more satisfying than the whistle of a Vortex football. Be sure to steer clear of overhanging tree branches though. It's rather disheartening when you release an awesome throw only to be thwarted by a tree branch interfering in the ball's trajectory. We created our own game that involves attempting to throw the Vortex into the basketball hoop from a distance that would equal the opposite end of the court. After about a solid hour of attempts, we were unsuccessful and the Vortex was beyond muddy from landing in the grass behind the hoop, but it was fun. But users BEWARE: the next day I discovered none other than (dun, dun, dun!) VORTEX ARM! This effect is similar to what some call "Wii Arm." If you've ever played Ninetendo Wii Sports Bowling or Tennis, you know what I'm talking about. These games force one to use muscles commonly left dormant and about 24 hours after playing, one feels the pain. You get the same effect with the Vortex (or at least I did).
The original Vortex Football was produced by OddzOn Toys, maker of Koosh in 1993. It was marketed by none other than John Elway. For a sampling of his many commercials, watch this video. The Vortex has been reinvented throughout the years featuring different versions such as the "Howler" and the "Mega Howler." The Pop Top Shop recently sold a mint condition 1993 Howler for $70. Not bad. If you'd like a good summary of the history of the Vortex, I suggest you click on the aforementioned Pop Top Shop link. This guy does a good job. I believe our family's first Vortex was a neon yellow ball with a blue fin. I'm not sure what reincarnation that was...maybe it was an original. One of my favorite past times was going outside on a crisp Thanksgiving Day to launch the Vortex. *sigh*. It could make even the girliest of girls feel like an athlete.
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| source: The Pop Top Shop |
Vortex Rating: 10 out of 10. What's not to like?
